darchildre: (natasha does not have time for this shit)
One of our weirder curmudgeons (this guy) asked me if I could place a purchase suggestion on this book for him. I, of course, said I'd be happy to do that.

Him: "That book might put you on the library bad list."

Me: "There's nothing you could request that would make the library put you on any kind of list, sir."

Him: "No, I mean you."

A) Sir, you are the person requesting the book. There are no consequence to requesting a book, other than getting to read the book you requested, but if there were, the consequence would devolve to you.

B) That book is being published by a mainstream publisher (a division of Macmillan) and you found out about it because of an article in the Wall Street Journal. It appears to be a book about economic history, which I'm sure you will find interesting but I have a hard time believing it's going to be all that inflammatory. I think maybe it is not the dangerous subversive work you think it is.

C) One time, you implied that I must be a fan of Donald Trump because "don't all librarians like tv?" I think maybe you have a very skewed idea of both my and the library's politics, which perhaps you might like to rethink. In the mean time, I hope you enjoy your book when it gets here.
darchildre: herbert is breaking his pencils because you are so dumb.  text:  "you said *what* now?" (herbert is smarter than you)
Things people have said to me today:

1) At the dentist, my hygienist told me one of my fillings was leaking. Oh my god, why would you say that? Just tell me it needs to be replaced - that is literally all I need to know about these foreign objects you have inserted into my teeth. When the cyborg revolution comes, my teeth are also something that I will upgrade.

2) At the library, a patron asked me if I could check and see if he'd checked out a certain item before. I told him that I can't, because we don't keep a record of what you check out after you've checked it in, in order to protect our readers' privacy. But this patron is a little bit of a crank and acted surprised that we aren't spying on him. "Just the CIA, then," he said, "and the Democratic party." I told him that I couldn't speak to that but that we don't keep records of check outs after the items are returned, at which point he said, "I bet you approve of pornography in the library, don't you?" Sir, you are old enough to be my grandfather - I do not want to talk about pornography with you, or indeed any of my library patrons. (For the record, though: I have no objection to porn in the library, if you're not breaking the law or bothering other patrons. Maybe don't watch porn on the patron computers, though - that's tacky.)
darchildre: herbert is breaking his pencils because you are so dumb.  text:  "you said *what* now?" (herbert is smarter than you)
Things you don't want your supervisor to say as you begin your workday:

"So, I can't tell you why because of HIPAA reasons, but don't sit in the armchair in the breakroom until we get it cleaned, okay?"


Have I mentioned lately how much I love my job?
darchildre: cooper and truman looking interested and somewhat skeptical (cooper and truman)
And then, a patron called me over to his computer, so I walked over and asked what I could do for him. He told me that he wanted to show me something, and proceeded to point to a gif of the Blood Moon. I watched it and said "Wow." He turned around to look at me and said, "Do you know what that means?" I told him that I did not and he said, "Well, I'm sorry to hear that."

Apparently, there was nothing more forthcoming, so I walked back to my desk. I still have no idea what that was about.

Some days, I feel like I have walked into a David Lynch movie, but most of the time I'm pretty sure that's on me for not understanding, rather than on the people I'm talking to. But this thing? Totally on that dude.

ETA - Is it an End Times thing? Parts of the internet seem to think it's an End Times thing.

ETA2 - Okay, as he left he asked if we were ready for the next Blood Moon in October and when my coworker said she hoped it was clearer so she could see it better, he said, "Revelation reveals it." So definitely an End Times thing.

(Also, he spent quite some time growling at the computer about an email that wouldn't print and muttering under his breath and generally being very quietly angry in a pretty scary way and, in general, I was pretty happy to see him leave. I'm not usually actually freaked by any of our weirder patrons and I'm sure he's probably harmless but he gave me an unsettling angry-white-dude vibe. I've never seen him before and I hope he doesn't come back.)
darchildre: (natasha does not have time for this shit)
And then, a patron tried to give me a hat. A grey fedora, in fact. Apparently, because he thought it would go well with what I'm wearing.

Sir, I don't know you. I don't even know your name and the only reason you know mine is because I have to wear a nametag when I'm working*. I know nothing about you, you know nothing about me, I do not want your hat.

I'm sure you thought you were being nice but really, don't offer people slightly odd things unsolicited. It's weird.

*And that right there is why I hate wearing a nametag.
darchildre: cooper and truman looking interested and somewhat skeptical (cooper and truman)
...We appear to have received as an anonymous donation, in our bookdrop, a copy of City on the Edge of Forever that looks to have been signed by both William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy.

darchildre: (natasha does not have time for this shit)
Conversations at the library:

Elderly patron: So, are you manning the fort all on your own today?

Me: Nope - we're not allowed to open if there's only one of us. Kelly's around in the stacks.

Elderly patron: Well, the answer to that is to get all of you pistol permits.

Me: ...while security is certainly something we think about, a large part of the issue is the ability to properly serve the number of patrons who come in and get all our work done, rather than shooting people.

Elderly patron: I'll talk to the NRA for you.

I am in a tiny small-town library in a tiny semi-rural small town. Although gun violence is a possibility (as it is everywhere in the US), it strikes me as pretty unlikely. It's not like we're running a library in a lawless frontier town in the Old West or something.

...why yes, I am now imagining Sparks Nevada running a library, why do you ask?
darchildre: fifth doctor looking confused.  text:  "a wee bit muddled" (wee bit muddled)
I just spent the last 10 minutes outside, staring at a trio of goats that just wandered into our neighborhood.


We thought they might be wild goats at first - they had very long horns - but they weren't at all afraid of people and their coats looked very well cared for. So they're obviously domestic goats that have wandered away from their owners. Unfortunately, they didn't have any identification on them, so we're not sure who to contact about them.

They wandered away up the street and tried to get into someone's garage, and that is the last I saw of them.


Today is officially the Weirdest Day.
darchildre: The lady Melisandre with a candle, looking particularly intense. (melisandre will set you on fire)
Actual conversation I just had:

Patron: What's your necklace?

Me: It's a Thor's hammer.

Patron: Like the superhero?

Me: ...no. Like the deity.

And that is where we left that.
darchildre: warren mears in a ball pit.  text:  "guh..." (guh?)
And then, a man with a meat delivery truck knocked on my door and asked me if anyone in my household liked steak.

I mean, I quite like steak and so does the rest of my family, but I don't really want it coming to the house unsolicited.
darchildre: herbert is breaking his pencils because you are so dumb.  text:  "you said *what* now?" (herbert is smarter than you)
Dear library patrons,

In terms of things I don't need (or want) to know about you when I don't even know your name, the fact that you have recurring dreams about starring in a film adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey ranks pretty high.
darchildre: (natasha does not have time for this shit)
And then, a woman called the library looking for me. Apparently, she has written a book and because someone told her I was a computer expert (!), she wanted to me to help her "launch" the book (!!). She specifically mentioned twitter and wordpress blogging.

I told her that I'm not that familiar with twitter and that, in any case, that sort of help isn't something the library can provide at this point. And then she said that no, it wouldn't be through the library, she just wanted to hire me to launch her book.

And then I stared at the phone for a long moment before telling her thank you but I am in no way qualified to help her launch her book.

Lady, I'm just the person who helps people put ebooks on their ereaders. I know exactly as much about computers as any other casual internet user and thus am in no way an expert. Also, I do not make house calls. Possibly, you should talk to someone who actually knows something about publishing?

That is probably not the weirdest thing I've been asked at the library, but it's the weirdest in a while.
darchildre: herbert is breaking his pencils because you are so dumb.  text:  "you said *what* now?" (herbert is smarter than you)
Conversations at the library:

Patron: I'm sorry, I just keep staring at the color of your sweater. I don't know why you look good in that color.

Me: ...thank you?

Sometimes, I think that people just really don't listen to what's coming out of their mouths.
darchildre: holmes and watson looking insoucient (holmes and watson)
And, back to work.

Patron: Can you put a Sherlock Holmes dvd on hold for me?

Me: Sure. Which Sherlock Holmes are you looking for?

Patron: You know, just the regular Sherlock Holmes.

Me: ...I'm going to need you to be a little more specific.

Eventually turned out that he wanted Game of Shadows. But, just, "regular Sherlock Holmes"? I was unaware that there was a standard.
darchildre: herbert is breaking his pencils because you are so dumb.  text:  "you said *what* now?" (herbert is smarter than you)
Weirdest thing that has happened today: two women just walked up the desk and asked if we had jigsaw puzzles that they could take on the ferry. When I told them that we don't rent out jigsaw puzzles (?), they then asked if the senior center had any. For one thing, the senior center is not currently open and their things aren't ours.

My manager found a puzzle in the office and offered it to them, at which point they complained that it was only 350 pieces. Being apparently out of other options (we told them there was a Rite-Aid a few miles away where they could buy puzzles but they were on foot), they did finally take it. And they did put a few dollars in our donations box. All the while complaining that they normally get puzzles for 25 cents - I suppose at the library wherever it is they live. Ladies, we did not compel you to pay for the puzzle, you chose to make a donation.

People are decidedly odd.
darchildre: (natasha does not have time for this shit)
Conversations from the library:

Elderly gentleman: Tell me something. How much sympathy could you dream up for a man who got his hand bitten off by an alligator?

Me: Well, I knew a man when I was little named Big Newt* who had lost a hand in a sawmill accident, so -

Elderly gentleman: ::waves dismissively:: I can't hear you.

Me: ::louder:: Quite a lot.

Elderly gentleman: Really? I don't have any. Alligators will eat anything.

Me: ...

*True story. His family lived next door to my dad when my dad was a kid. We would go down to Georgia to visit my grandmother and go to see Big Newt and Miss Louise. We would gather pecans from the tree in their back yard and they would give us sweet tea and pimento cheese** on white bread sandwiches. I kinda think of that as my most Southern memory.

**Pimento cheese = really gross. JSYK.
darchildre: rebis in a purple trenchcoat, looking enigmatic (rebis says:)
The comic book scan I am currently reading has an ad where I can send $18.95 to a certain address in Florida and, in return, they will send me a live spider monkey. ("Easy to care for and train! Eats the same food you do - even likes lollipops! Guaranteed live delivery!")

Alas, the ad is from the 60s, so I think the monkeys are probably no longer available.
darchildre: herbert is breaking his pencils because you are so dumb.  text:  "you said *what* now?" (herbert is smarter than you)
Have just had to convince a patron - one who has never displayed anything wackier than general grumpiness - that the fact that his computer keeps freezing on conservative political websites and not on liberal ones is solely a coincidence and not at all the result of some sort of liberal hacker conspiracy.

OMG, what is with today?
darchildre: warren mears in a ball pit.  text:  "guh..." (guh?)
Things my patrons have said to me today:

"You should be in the navy."


ETA - Oh goodness, now she's talking about Hal Lindsey and the book of Revelations and "We know not the day or the hour."
darchildre: herbert is breaking his pencils because you are so dumb.  text:  "you said *what* now?" (herbert is smarter than you)
Scene from the library:

Patron: What's that on your necklace?

Me: It's a bat. It's based on an Edward Gorey illustration.

Patron: So...are you a Wiccan or something?

Me: ...no.

I'm still trying to puzzle out where that connection came from. I'm assuming it's some kind of Wiccan = witches = Halloween = bats, but I'm still sitting over here going, "Bzuh?"

(Of course then I had to explain that no, I just like creepy things/horror fiction/Edward Gorey*, which inevitably led to the patronizing "Oh, yeah, I used to read a lot of that stuff when I was a kid but I grew out it" conversation. I hate that conversation. It makes me want to hit people with my copy of Great Tales of Terror and the Supernatural.**)

*Seriously, who doesn't like Edward Gorey?

**Because that sucker would hurt. It's a nice thick lump of a book.
darchildre: herbert is breaking his pencils because you are so dumb.  text:  "you said *what* now?" (herbert is smarter than you)
Dear library patron,

You are thirty years old. Don't you think that you are maybe old enough to realize that you should know your own phone number?

I mean, really.
darchildre: herbert is breaking his pencils because you are so dumb.  text:  "you said *what* now?" (herbert is smarter than you)
Today's example of cultural language barriers:

I spent a full three minutes explaining to a patron that no, you cannot touch or hold an mp3.
darchildre: warren mears in a ball pit.  text:  "guh..." (guh?)
Dear the people who made Farscape,

I realize that I am years too late in saying this but, y'know, when you have a dramatic or emotionally affecting scene about aliens, in which hardly anyone at all speaks English or any other language from Earth, and the music in the background is full of chanting in Latin, it kinda throws me out of the scene somewhat. And by "somewhat" I mean "a lot".

They're aliens! Why the hell is there a Dies Irae in the background?
darchildre: herbert is breaking his pencils because you are so dumb.  text:  "you said *what* now?" (herbert is smarter than you)
Dear Everyone,

If you take the ferry from Edmonds to Kingston, that takes you to Kingston. Which is, yes, in Kitsap County, on the Olympic Peninsula.

The Edmonds-Kingston ferry does not, for example, take you from Mukilteo to Whidbey Island. This is because Mukilteo is on the other side of Puget Sound. So, if that's where you're going, you may want to take the ferry back to Edmonds and stop looking at me like I'm crazy when I tell you that there's no other way to get to Whidbey Island from here.*

*Well, I suppose you could drive around via Tacoma but that would take you hours in the opposite direction and thus seems rather silly.
darchildre: herbert is breaking his pencils because you are so dumb.  text:  "you said *what* now?" (herbert is smarter than you)
Just had a patron ask me if I was done with high school.

Lady, in just over two months, I will officially be too old for Archie Goodwin to date. Yes, I am done with high school.


darchildre: a candle in the dark.  text:  "a light in dark places". (Default)

June 2016



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