![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Oct. 31st, 2010 09:08 amSo, I am going to Strowlers Night in Seattle tonight. Which should be fun but right now, I am kinda freaking out. Because it will involve a lot of buses and oh no, what if I get lost?
The thing is, I do know how to deal with that. What I do is carefully plan which buses I'm going to be taking in advance, write down everything I could possibly need to know about those buses (including where I am in relation to the relevent stops and walking directions to those stops), make sure that I have multiple copies of that information, and check it obsessively. I've done that three years running in Portland for the HPLFF and the most I've ever been lost was taking one wrong turning and all that necessitated was retracing steps back to the beginning and trying again.
What the problem is, really, is my Mom. And, to a lesser extent, my Dad, but he's currently in Asia and thus is less of a concern. See, because my Mom is kinda quietly freaking out about me going and getting lost in the dark and being mugged or raped or murdered. Which is infectious and feeds all the worries that I already have and makes me feel worse.
But, see, if I don't make myself do things that make me uncomfortable, I will never do anything. I will sit in my room and be anxious about everything and spend the rest of my life never talking to anyone. Which would suck. So I am obsessively planning bus routes and telling myself that really, I know how to handle riding a frelling bus and I am not going to get lost. (Or mugged or raped or murdered but, oddly, those don't worry me as much.) And, honestly, I really am going to have fun.
Stupid anxiety.
The thing is, I do know how to deal with that. What I do is carefully plan which buses I'm going to be taking in advance, write down everything I could possibly need to know about those buses (including where I am in relation to the relevent stops and walking directions to those stops), make sure that I have multiple copies of that information, and check it obsessively. I've done that three years running in Portland for the HPLFF and the most I've ever been lost was taking one wrong turning and all that necessitated was retracing steps back to the beginning and trying again.
What the problem is, really, is my Mom. And, to a lesser extent, my Dad, but he's currently in Asia and thus is less of a concern. See, because my Mom is kinda quietly freaking out about me going and getting lost in the dark and being mugged or raped or murdered. Which is infectious and feeds all the worries that I already have and makes me feel worse.
But, see, if I don't make myself do things that make me uncomfortable, I will never do anything. I will sit in my room and be anxious about everything and spend the rest of my life never talking to anyone. Which would suck. So I am obsessively planning bus routes and telling myself that really, I know how to handle riding a frelling bus and I am not going to get lost. (Or mugged or raped or murdered but, oddly, those don't worry me as much.) And, honestly, I really am going to have fun.
Stupid anxiety.
