(no subject)
Jun. 1st, 2013 01:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darchildreToday is not being a good anxiety day.
So, first, my body does this thing where it can't always determine the difference between things-I-am-nervous-about and fannish excitement. Which means that sometimes, being happy about things on tumblr or about good fanfiction tips into physical anxiety symptoms. One minute I am full of squee and the next minute I can't type properly because my hands are shaking and my breath control is shot to hell. So that's fun.
And then, I get to work and turns out our page is a substitute that I've never met before. I keep thinking that working the desk at the library for so long has made me better at conversing with strangers but, really, it has made me better at conversing with strangers when there's a desk between us. Having to actually introduce myself to new people and talk to them still makes me feel as though I am flailing like a muppet. Especially when we are the only people in the room. Especially when the new person is a dude.*
And then we opened and the first several people through the door had really weird questions that I could not answer, which is never fun. I mean, I eventually got them to people who could answer their questions, but again with the feeling like I'm flailing, plus in front of new staff person I've not met before. Grar.
But! I am only here for approximately three more hours. Tomorrow, I have the day off and no one else is home so there is absolutely no one I have to talk to and I can relax. I am going to do experimental cooking and watch movies and knit. (Not at the same time.) It will be great.
*I don't know, internets, there are exactly two guys I talk to IRL for more than five minutes a week on a regular basis and one of them is my dad. I have spent the majority of my life in predominantly-female spaces, both online and off. Online, I am cool with talking to guys because talking to people online is different but IRL guys make me kinda nervous.
So, first, my body does this thing where it can't always determine the difference between things-I-am-nervous-about and fannish excitement. Which means that sometimes, being happy about things on tumblr or about good fanfiction tips into physical anxiety symptoms. One minute I am full of squee and the next minute I can't type properly because my hands are shaking and my breath control is shot to hell. So that's fun.
And then, I get to work and turns out our page is a substitute that I've never met before. I keep thinking that working the desk at the library for so long has made me better at conversing with strangers but, really, it has made me better at conversing with strangers when there's a desk between us. Having to actually introduce myself to new people and talk to them still makes me feel as though I am flailing like a muppet. Especially when we are the only people in the room. Especially when the new person is a dude.*
And then we opened and the first several people through the door had really weird questions that I could not answer, which is never fun. I mean, I eventually got them to people who could answer their questions, but again with the feeling like I'm flailing, plus in front of new staff person I've not met before. Grar.
But! I am only here for approximately three more hours. Tomorrow, I have the day off and no one else is home so there is absolutely no one I have to talk to and I can relax. I am going to do experimental cooking and watch movies and knit. (Not at the same time.) It will be great.
*I don't know, internets, there are exactly two guys I talk to IRL for more than five minutes a week on a regular basis and one of them is my dad. I have spent the majority of my life in predominantly-female spaces, both online and off. Online, I am cool with talking to guys because talking to people online is different but IRL guys make me kinda nervous.
