Renfield (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
darchildre) wrote2012-05-17 01:31 pm
darchildre) wrote2012-05-17 01:31 pm
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And then I had a conversation about victim blaming with my boss.
Apparently, there was some kind of incident this past weekend (about which I have very few details) wherein a teenaged girl gave some older guy help with one of the public computers and later, he slipped her some kind of skeevy note. My boss just came back from vacation and my coworker was telling her about this and my boss's first reaction was, "Oh, why was she talking to him?!"
So I said something about why shouldn't she talk to him? The patron computers are all grouped really close together and people sitting at them often talk to each other and if they have problems, they often ask the people around them for help before talking to the staff. If someone asks a question and you know the answer and that is the extent of your interaction, why the hell should you not answer, if you feel so inclined? I mean, is this a thing we're doing now, where women just aren't supposed to talk to men they don't know at all, for fear that they might do something skeevy?
Fuck that. We don't need to tell women not to answer questions if they feel like they want to answer.* We need to teach men not to give people skeevy notes. Saying that you shouldn't ever talk to people just in case they might do something gross is victim blaming bullshit.
I...was not quite that emphatic with my boss. But I did actually use the words "victim blaming" and was probably a little visibly agitated because she came up a few minutes later and said something along the lines of "I hope I didn't offend you." To which I made appropriately conciliatory noises.
But no. You didn't offend me. I just think you're wrong.
*Leaving aside the fact that, quite often, if a guy talks to you and you don't say anything, that pisses him off and the situation escalates. And that is your fault too, of course, because why couldn't you just be polite and talk to him? No winning for you, ladies.
Apparently, there was some kind of incident this past weekend (about which I have very few details) wherein a teenaged girl gave some older guy help with one of the public computers and later, he slipped her some kind of skeevy note. My boss just came back from vacation and my coworker was telling her about this and my boss's first reaction was, "Oh, why was she talking to him?!"
So I said something about why shouldn't she talk to him? The patron computers are all grouped really close together and people sitting at them often talk to each other and if they have problems, they often ask the people around them for help before talking to the staff. If someone asks a question and you know the answer and that is the extent of your interaction, why the hell should you not answer, if you feel so inclined? I mean, is this a thing we're doing now, where women just aren't supposed to talk to men they don't know at all, for fear that they might do something skeevy?
Fuck that. We don't need to tell women not to answer questions if they feel like they want to answer.* We need to teach men not to give people skeevy notes. Saying that you shouldn't ever talk to people just in case they might do something gross is victim blaming bullshit.
I...was not quite that emphatic with my boss. But I did actually use the words "victim blaming" and was probably a little visibly agitated because she came up a few minutes later and said something along the lines of "I hope I didn't offend you." To which I made appropriately conciliatory noises.
But no. You didn't offend me. I just think you're wrong.
*Leaving aside the fact that, quite often, if a guy talks to you and you don't say anything, that pisses him off and the situation escalates. And that is your fault too, of course, because why couldn't you just be polite and talk to him? No winning for you, ladies.
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