(no subject)
Feb. 22nd, 2012 07:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darchildreToday, as you may know, is Ash Wednesday. I had forgotten, since I don't go to church anymore and am not a Christian anyway, but there is a nearby Catholic school which sends some of their students library-wards on Wednesdays and thus I was reminded.
It's been a little over a year now since I stopped attending church. I miss it, sometimes. I mean, it's still a relief not to have to go every week and it's a relief not to spend one morning a week essentially lying to a very nice group of people. And it's nice not to have to hear sermons about the importance of evangelism anymore. But I miss the rhythm of the church calendar: Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent, Easter, Pentecost.
My own faith has a rhythm, of course, but sometimes it feels hollow with no one else to celebrate. There is no liturgy, no prayer that I didn't write myself. There are traditions, but they're pieced together via translation over a gap of centuries. It's all very well to say "our ancestors did this," but I can't say "This is a prayer my grandmother prayed, this is the way my grandfather worshiped." My grandparents were Christians.
I think I miss communion most of all. I loved communion - the ritual of it, the same words said the same way every time. I felt a little weird about it, sometimes, but Methodists* don't bar anyone from participating in communion and while I don't worship Christ, the image of all humankind feasting at one table is a compelling one for me. I miss that.
I'm not a Christian and I don't want to be. I don't want a Christianized heathenry. But I do really miss going to church.
*I don't worship Jesus and I fundamentally disagree with a lot of Christianity but I will always kinda sorta be a Methodist.
It's been a little over a year now since I stopped attending church. I miss it, sometimes. I mean, it's still a relief not to have to go every week and it's a relief not to spend one morning a week essentially lying to a very nice group of people. And it's nice not to have to hear sermons about the importance of evangelism anymore. But I miss the rhythm of the church calendar: Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent, Easter, Pentecost.
My own faith has a rhythm, of course, but sometimes it feels hollow with no one else to celebrate. There is no liturgy, no prayer that I didn't write myself. There are traditions, but they're pieced together via translation over a gap of centuries. It's all very well to say "our ancestors did this," but I can't say "This is a prayer my grandmother prayed, this is the way my grandfather worshiped." My grandparents were Christians.
I think I miss communion most of all. I loved communion - the ritual of it, the same words said the same way every time. I felt a little weird about it, sometimes, but Methodists* don't bar anyone from participating in communion and while I don't worship Christ, the image of all humankind feasting at one table is a compelling one for me. I miss that.
I'm not a Christian and I don't want to be. I don't want a Christianized heathenry. But I do really miss going to church.
*I don't worship Jesus and I fundamentally disagree with a lot of Christianity but I will always kinda sorta be a Methodist.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-23 06:12 am (UTC)It would be nice if we could all find a ritual group to work with.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-23 12:29 pm (UTC)