(no subject)

[darchildre]

A question:

Sometimes patrons come up to the desk to check out books - not patrons who are personal friends (not...that I actually have any of those), just people who come to the library regularly so that I know their names and faces and maybe something about their reading preferences - and they say things like, "So, is anything exciting happening in your life?"

I usually say something like, "Oh, nothing, my life is very boring." But I'm always a little taken aback. So, actually two questions.

1) Is that a normal thing to ask? I mean, is that a thing that normal people find to be normal conversation? I'm not actually good at normal conversations a lot of the time, so I don't actually know and I'm wondering if I'm reacting abnormally to something that is actually quite a usual thing.

2) What in heaven's name are they expecting me to say? Even if I did have something exciting going on, these are people I barely know. Why the hell would I tell them?

People are so confusing.

Comments

[jenett]

It's people trying to make small talk and not doing it as well as they might.

My approach is to have some brief, appropriate, but "thank you for attempting small talk" response handy. So it might be "Oh, my life's boring, but I'm looking forward to reading [current book of general interest] this weekend/have X common movie waiting from Netflix/have dinner plans with friends." Basically, anything that can give us a different (and less personal) conversational topic, without shutting them down.

[silveradept]

This is normal for people to ask. They're trying to say "I do not think of you as a worker-drone, but as someone who is familiar and friendly in my life, and social conventions say that people who are past the drone-customer point should ask about the person's personal life."

As for what they're expecting you to say, it can be anything, from a gripe about a wrong being done to you, an expense you had to shell out money for, a new book or movie you're anticipating, a social event you went to that you found good, just about any facet of your life that might provide information about what you do outside of work and see if there's some commonality or grounds for further conversation.

[tricksters_queen]

Well... I pretty much live at the bookstore next door to where I work. Some of the cafe staff and bookstore staff ARE actually friends of mine from when I worked there... however, I consider several of the people I didn't work with to be friends, too. ::laughter:: Possibly because of the people I did work with, and now I hang out with several of them.
I don't know. It's weird. I usually chat with the cafe staff folks, even the ones I don't hang out with outside of that situation. On the other hand, I've pretty much always had an introduction to the new people from others who know me much better and everyone learns pretty quickly that I used to work there. ::laughter:: So my situation may be a little different from most.
My friends and I also chat with our regular servers at the diner we go to pretty much every week. I don't know if that's normal, either, but we leave huge tips, so everyone who knows us is happy to wait on us (we usually laugh, quite loudly and with great frequency), even though we might be a little obnoxious... ::shrugs::
I would guess your comfort level with that kind of conversation may be lower than the average person's... but then, I'm pretty outgoing (and outrageous). Regardless, I wouldn't worry about it - if you don't want to discuss your life with your patrons, even ones you know reasonably well, then there's absolutely no reason you should need to. Don't be offended if they're asking after you, though, it just means that they like you. <3
Hope my ramble makes any kind of sense.

[willidan]

It's not normal among friends (or at least not between me and my friends), but it is normal for library patrons. I don't know why. Even patrons that I don't recognize, but who (I suppose) recognize me, seem to think I want to chat with them. And they do love to make personal comments about/to me. I'm not sure which is more alarming: having them comment on my clothes/hair/hygiene, or having to listen to them discuss their personal issues. *shivers* Sometimes I have to bite my tongue to keep from shouting 'I don't know you! Stop talking to me like we're friends!'