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Apr. 14th, 2023 11:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darchildreJust had a lady bring her small granddaughter up to the desk and make her apologize for sticking her tongue out at me, a thing that a) I did not see her do and b) I absolutely do not care about*. So I smiled at the kid and say, "Oh, that's okay - no worries." And the grandmother frowned a little and said, "Oh yes there are - I'm very strict about that sort of thing."
Which is fine, I guess - I mean, I don't really approve, but she's not my kid - but if you're going to involve other people in scolding your kids, then you have to accept that they may have opinions about the kids 'infraction' that may differ from your own. If you think the kid has wronged me in some way and should apologize, surely I get to choose how I respond to their apology. If my response isn't part of your script, that's hardly my fault.
Also, just in general, please don't do this, especially not for silly minor things - don't recruit me to be the bad guy just because I'm adult at the library desk. We used to get parents who would bring their clearly terribly guilty children up to the desk to apologize for 25 cent late fees** or accidentally ripped pages, and clearly wanted me to be a Stern Authority Figure at their children. I'm never going to do that, both because I don't believe that's helpful in most situations and because I definitely don't want these kids to think of the library as a place of guilt and shame. And then the parents would get irritated because I wasn't playing my role correctly in this little drama they envisioned.
I don't have kids because I don't want to be a parent. If you force me to act like a parent towards your kids, I'm not going to do it the way you want.
*At the most basic level, I approve of kids acting in small funny harmlessly disrespectful ways towards adults. If I had seen the kid stick her tongue out, I probably would have done it right back. Because it's silly and fun and doesn't hurt anybody.
**If a small child owes a late fee, it is almost never their fault. The kid can't drive or otherwise get to the library on their own. We don't have late fees anymore and this is one of the many reasons I'm glad about it.
Which is fine, I guess - I mean, I don't really approve, but she's not my kid - but if you're going to involve other people in scolding your kids, then you have to accept that they may have opinions about the kids 'infraction' that may differ from your own. If you think the kid has wronged me in some way and should apologize, surely I get to choose how I respond to their apology. If my response isn't part of your script, that's hardly my fault.
Also, just in general, please don't do this, especially not for silly minor things - don't recruit me to be the bad guy just because I'm adult at the library desk. We used to get parents who would bring their clearly terribly guilty children up to the desk to apologize for 25 cent late fees** or accidentally ripped pages, and clearly wanted me to be a Stern Authority Figure at their children. I'm never going to do that, both because I don't believe that's helpful in most situations and because I definitely don't want these kids to think of the library as a place of guilt and shame. And then the parents would get irritated because I wasn't playing my role correctly in this little drama they envisioned.
I don't have kids because I don't want to be a parent. If you force me to act like a parent towards your kids, I'm not going to do it the way you want.
*At the most basic level, I approve of kids acting in small funny harmlessly disrespectful ways towards adults. If I had seen the kid stick her tongue out, I probably would have done it right back. Because it's silly and fun and doesn't hurt anybody.
**If a small child owes a late fee, it is almost never their fault. The kid can't drive or otherwise get to the library on their own. We don't have late fees anymore and this is one of the many reasons I'm glad about it.
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Date: 2023-04-15 02:14 am (UTC)And I have also been off script with regards to being the Very Serious Adult about damage or lost books when there are children involved. They're kids, we buy cheap things because they're going to get read and destroyed.
Libraries should not be places of guilt and shame, and those who think they should are not allowed to express any surprise at all at how nobody who came to the library as a child ever comes back until they have kids of their own.