(no subject)

[darchildre]

Every once in a while, I get an older female patron who comes up to the desk and says something like, "You look like you've lost weight!" I never have any idea what to do with that.

a) I don't own a scale and haven't weighed myself in at least 5 years. I am entirely uninterested in my weight.

b) However, all my clothes still fit the same way they always did and and the amount of food I eat (average, probably) and the amount of exercise I do (none) has remained constant. So probably not?

c) Is it a compliment? An expression of concern? What am I supposed to take away from you saying this?

d) While I'm not personally offended, in my view it is extremely rude to comment on another person's body like that - especially someone you don't actually know well - so my first instinct is to ignore their terrible faux pas and let them save face. This is probably not what they're looking for.

I usually end up saying something like "Not that I'm aware of" after a momentary pause for confusion, and then move on to asking how they are, but it always feels like I'm wrongfooting them.

Which they did to me first, though, so I don't feel particularly bad about it.

Comments

[james]

"Oh, I've gained about twenty pounds, actually."

Then watch them try to turn that into a compliment. ;-)

[silveradept]

I think it's supposed to be a compliment, and you're supposed to respond with something about the latest body-shaming fad you've picked up or your fitness schedule that is supposed to make them try harder in jealousy. By not doing that, you're off the acceptable topics script, and they're very wrongfooted.

I agree that it's super rude to do.

[bluapapilio]

I would respond the same way. It's not the compliment or whatever they think it is.

[frenchroast]

They *think* it's a compliment. They are wrong.

You can choose to either do what you're continuing to do (because you're right, it IS extremely rude to comment on other people's bodies) or you can decide to mess with them further by letting them in on your "secret" and giving them fake diet info. "Oh yes, I've completely cut unprocessed foods out of my diet. I mainly eat gummy bears and microwave mac and cheese now."