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Mar. 25th, 2014 08:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darchildreYesterday, because I was bored with the book I had been reading, I started reading The Saga of King Hrolf Kraki. Because it was on my kindle and I hadn't read it yet. Like most sagas, the guy it's named after doesn't get born till at least a third of the way in, so mostly I have been reading the story of King Helgi. Guys, King Helgi is a dick. Also, I have spent more time going, "Oh my god, what" at the screen on my kindle while reading this saga than any other. Let me tell you the story of King Helgi's amazing dickishness.
So there's this queen, named Olof, who's beautiful and a great warrior and kinda arrogant and doesn't want to get married. Helgi decides that he's going to marry her "whether she was willing or not." So he takes a whole bunch of armed dudes to her house, demands that they be feasted and, during the feast, tells Olof that he's going to marry her. Right now. Olof says yes, playing for time. Then, when Helgi comes to bed drunk, she sticks him with a sleep thorn (magic!), shaves off all his hair, covers him with tar, stuffs him in a leather sack, and has servants take him back to his ship. The sleep thorn doesn't wear off till they're all out at sea.
At this point, Queen Olof was kind of my favorite.
Helgi is, of course, pissed, and so plans revenge. He buries some treasure in the woods near Olof's house and dressed as a beggar, gets her to come see it so she can claim it for herself. (Olof apparently really loves treasure.) Once she gets to the woods, Helgi basically kidnaps her back to his ship and forces her to sleep with him "for many nights", after which he lets her go home.
And now, Olof's pregnant. For entirely understandable reasons, she does not want this baby. It turns out to be a girl, named Yrsa, and Olof sends her to tend the herds when she's old enough, telling her she's a farmer's daughter. Not precisely cool, but understandable. But when Yrsa turns 13, guess who shows up? King Helgi. Dressed as a beggar again, for some reason. He thinks 13-year-old Yrsa is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen and tells her he's going to marry her. And now this is where Olof also starts acting like a dick - she knows what's going on and doesn't tell anyone.
So Yrsa and Helgi get married and are pretty much blissfully happy in their unknowingly incestuous union. Knowing that they're happy pisses Olof off, so she comes to tell Yrsa what's up. Now of course, they can't stay married, so she tells Helgi the truth of their situation. "You have a cruel enough mother," he says, "but I want things to continue as they are now." Dude. Dude. She is your daughter. No. But Yrsa is miles less dickish and ridiculous than Helgi, so she leaves and goes with Olof. And apparently she's considered a pretty good catch on the marriage market but no one wants to propose because they're afraid Helgi might come after whoever married her. Which is a valid concern because I'm leaving out all the bits where Helgi chops other warriors to pieces. She finally marries another king named Adils.
Meanwhile, the continuing dickishness of Helgi. It's around Yule and he hears a knock at the door. It's a hideous old woman who wants to sleep in Helgi's bed so as not to die of cold. Helgi kinda goes, "Ew," but finally agrees. This is not dickish. But after they've been in bed for a while, he looks at her and now she's gorgeous. Apparently, she's an elf woman under a curse that could only be broken by sleeping in the bed of a king. Now that the the curse is broken, she wants to leave. Helgi's all, "Nope, now that you're hot I think you should stay here and marry me." Helgi proposes marriage at the drop of a hat.
Anyway, they have sex and the elf lady gets pregnant. She leaves and tells him to come visit his child in a year's time at the ship landing. And he totally forgets. Three years later, the elf lady comes back and leaves Helgi's new daughter with him. (So far, he hasn't married this one.)
Then Helgi goes to visit King Adils, possibly with the idea of stealing Yrsa back. Adils welcomes him to a feast, while planning to kill him later, while Helgi and Yrsa keep up their weirdass Flowers-in-the-Attic relationship. Adils apparently doesn't want to deal with this creepiness, so when Helgi is going back to his ship, Adils sends an army and a troop of berserkers to kill Helgi. Which they manage to do. "Here ends the tale of King Helgi," the saga writer says, and I breathe a sigh of relief.
Hopefully King Hrolf Kraki isn't going to be such a creepy dick.
So there's this queen, named Olof, who's beautiful and a great warrior and kinda arrogant and doesn't want to get married. Helgi decides that he's going to marry her "whether she was willing or not." So he takes a whole bunch of armed dudes to her house, demands that they be feasted and, during the feast, tells Olof that he's going to marry her. Right now. Olof says yes, playing for time. Then, when Helgi comes to bed drunk, she sticks him with a sleep thorn (magic!), shaves off all his hair, covers him with tar, stuffs him in a leather sack, and has servants take him back to his ship. The sleep thorn doesn't wear off till they're all out at sea.
At this point, Queen Olof was kind of my favorite.
Helgi is, of course, pissed, and so plans revenge. He buries some treasure in the woods near Olof's house and dressed as a beggar, gets her to come see it so she can claim it for herself. (Olof apparently really loves treasure.) Once she gets to the woods, Helgi basically kidnaps her back to his ship and forces her to sleep with him "for many nights", after which he lets her go home.
And now, Olof's pregnant. For entirely understandable reasons, she does not want this baby. It turns out to be a girl, named Yrsa, and Olof sends her to tend the herds when she's old enough, telling her she's a farmer's daughter. Not precisely cool, but understandable. But when Yrsa turns 13, guess who shows up? King Helgi. Dressed as a beggar again, for some reason. He thinks 13-year-old Yrsa is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen and tells her he's going to marry her. And now this is where Olof also starts acting like a dick - she knows what's going on and doesn't tell anyone.
So Yrsa and Helgi get married and are pretty much blissfully happy in their unknowingly incestuous union. Knowing that they're happy pisses Olof off, so she comes to tell Yrsa what's up. Now of course, they can't stay married, so she tells Helgi the truth of their situation. "You have a cruel enough mother," he says, "but I want things to continue as they are now." Dude. Dude. She is your daughter. No. But Yrsa is miles less dickish and ridiculous than Helgi, so she leaves and goes with Olof. And apparently she's considered a pretty good catch on the marriage market but no one wants to propose because they're afraid Helgi might come after whoever married her. Which is a valid concern because I'm leaving out all the bits where Helgi chops other warriors to pieces. She finally marries another king named Adils.
Meanwhile, the continuing dickishness of Helgi. It's around Yule and he hears a knock at the door. It's a hideous old woman who wants to sleep in Helgi's bed so as not to die of cold. Helgi kinda goes, "Ew," but finally agrees. This is not dickish. But after they've been in bed for a while, he looks at her and now she's gorgeous. Apparently, she's an elf woman under a curse that could only be broken by sleeping in the bed of a king. Now that the the curse is broken, she wants to leave. Helgi's all, "Nope, now that you're hot I think you should stay here and marry me." Helgi proposes marriage at the drop of a hat.
Anyway, they have sex and the elf lady gets pregnant. She leaves and tells him to come visit his child in a year's time at the ship landing. And he totally forgets. Three years later, the elf lady comes back and leaves Helgi's new daughter with him. (So far, he hasn't married this one.)
Then Helgi goes to visit King Adils, possibly with the idea of stealing Yrsa back. Adils welcomes him to a feast, while planning to kill him later, while Helgi and Yrsa keep up their weirdass Flowers-in-the-Attic relationship. Adils apparently doesn't want to deal with this creepiness, so when Helgi is going back to his ship, Adils sends an army and a troop of berserkers to kill Helgi. Which they manage to do. "Here ends the tale of King Helgi," the saga writer says, and I breathe a sigh of relief.
Hopefully King Hrolf Kraki isn't going to be such a creepy dick.
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Date: 2014-03-26 06:57 pm (UTC)