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Mar. 14th, 2011 10:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darchildreToday was a day of pretty good, framed by blargh.
This morning, I left the house feeling blue. Some of it was about my dog and some was about the nasty weather, but most of it was that general malaise of "I suck at everything and everyone knows it" that I occasionally get. This is, of course, not true, and I counter it by remembering nice things that people have said about me and also by distracting myself by making up stories. It mostly went away while I was at Kingston and by the time I got to Bainbridge, it was completely gone. So work was good.
Choir kinda sucked tonight, though. I was not in good voice, in the first place, and at one point the soprano section got scolded because one of us was under pitch and loud about it and "that's unacceptable", but the director didn't say who. So everyone was convinced that they were the culprit and we all got quite paranoid. We decided that we'd really rather he just take the person aside quietly and talk to them, so one of us told the director so during break. After which, he came and talked to me.
And of course, it's good to be told stuff like that and to know that I need to work on it to make myself better. But...okay, so this is where I sound like the stereotypical spoiled soprano diva. Choir is the thing that, all my life, I have always been really good at. I'm proud of my voice and my ability to sing, maybe too much so. And this is the first director I've ever had who's said things like this to me. Maybe they all should have, I don't know. But I don't like going to choir and feeling, for the first time, like maybe I'm not good at it. Maybe I potentially suck at that as much as I do everything else in my life.
I'm sure that I'll wake up tomorrow and feel less useless. And I'm sure that I'll go to rehearsal next week and do better.
Right now, I just feel like I suck.
This morning, I left the house feeling blue. Some of it was about my dog and some was about the nasty weather, but most of it was that general malaise of "I suck at everything and everyone knows it" that I occasionally get. This is, of course, not true, and I counter it by remembering nice things that people have said about me and also by distracting myself by making up stories. It mostly went away while I was at Kingston and by the time I got to Bainbridge, it was completely gone. So work was good.
Choir kinda sucked tonight, though. I was not in good voice, in the first place, and at one point the soprano section got scolded because one of us was under pitch and loud about it and "that's unacceptable", but the director didn't say who. So everyone was convinced that they were the culprit and we all got quite paranoid. We decided that we'd really rather he just take the person aside quietly and talk to them, so one of us told the director so during break. After which, he came and talked to me.
And of course, it's good to be told stuff like that and to know that I need to work on it to make myself better. But...okay, so this is where I sound like the stereotypical spoiled soprano diva. Choir is the thing that, all my life, I have always been really good at. I'm proud of my voice and my ability to sing, maybe too much so. And this is the first director I've ever had who's said things like this to me. Maybe they all should have, I don't know. But I don't like going to choir and feeling, for the first time, like maybe I'm not good at it. Maybe I potentially suck at that as much as I do everything else in my life.
I'm sure that I'll wake up tomorrow and feel less useless. And I'm sure that I'll go to rehearsal next week and do better.
Right now, I just feel like I suck.
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Date: 2011-03-15 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-15 09:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-15 09:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-15 09:56 pm (UTC)