![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Apr. 7th, 2022 02:33 pmThis morning, my mom asked to borrow one of my shawls, so I lent it to her. I just got an email from her, saying that she had accidentally put it through the wash.
It was wool, not superwash, so it felted. And out of all my shawls, this is the only one that was knit from handspun yarn, made from fiber I got as a gift, in colorways that the dyers aren't making anymore. It was completely unique - literally irreplaceable. I'm devastated.
And god, she emailed me at work. I understand that she felt she needed to fess up immediately but now I'm upset in a place that I can't express that and just have live with these feelings until it's time to go home. I can't determine how bad the damage is - maybe it's not completely ruined? - because I'm at work and have to stay here for several more hours. And I can't even talk to my coworkers about, because I know I'll break down crying and you can't do that at work. I have to do fucking customer service.
And when that's over, I'm going to have to go home and try to navigate her feelings about it, too. Mom's reaction to anyone having a negative emotion, especially one she caused, is to frantically try to fix it so the negative emotion goes away and she feels better. This usually ends with me soothing her - assuring her that things are okay, that I accept her apology, that I'm fine - and I am absolutely not about to do that today.
Eurgh. New policy - non-washable woolens don't get lent to anyone, ever again.
Update: the shawl is felted, but fortunately didn't shrink too much and isn't unwearable. I'm not happy about it, but it's not as bad as it could have been. It does now smell overwhelmingly of Mom's laundry detergent, which makes it temporarily unusable for me, but will at least fade over time. I also talked to her about her tendency to make other people soothe her when she's fucked up, which maybe will have some effect.
My new anti-lending policy remains firm, but at least this wasn't a complete disaster.
It was wool, not superwash, so it felted. And out of all my shawls, this is the only one that was knit from handspun yarn, made from fiber I got as a gift, in colorways that the dyers aren't making anymore. It was completely unique - literally irreplaceable. I'm devastated.
And god, she emailed me at work. I understand that she felt she needed to fess up immediately but now I'm upset in a place that I can't express that and just have live with these feelings until it's time to go home. I can't determine how bad the damage is - maybe it's not completely ruined? - because I'm at work and have to stay here for several more hours. And I can't even talk to my coworkers about, because I know I'll break down crying and you can't do that at work. I have to do fucking customer service.
And when that's over, I'm going to have to go home and try to navigate her feelings about it, too. Mom's reaction to anyone having a negative emotion, especially one she caused, is to frantically try to fix it so the negative emotion goes away and she feels better. This usually ends with me soothing her - assuring her that things are okay, that I accept her apology, that I'm fine - and I am absolutely not about to do that today.
Eurgh. New policy - non-washable woolens don't get lent to anyone, ever again.
Update: the shawl is felted, but fortunately didn't shrink too much and isn't unwearable. I'm not happy about it, but it's not as bad as it could have been. It does now smell overwhelmingly of Mom's laundry detergent, which makes it temporarily unusable for me, but will at least fade over time. I also talked to her about her tendency to make other people soothe her when she's fucked up, which maybe will have some effect.
My new anti-lending policy remains firm, but at least this wasn't a complete disaster.
